Good day, Kansas City! Teddy Love is back with “Ask Teddy” on ovalpike.com where you’ll find responses from Teddy Love to questions about dating, love, and relationships from readers on a weekly basis. Here are this week’s questions.
It seems as if I can’t get this flirting thing right. I often times am shy and don’t get the balls to go up to a woman and talk. In the rare [instances] I do speak to them it’s because I have drunk my shyness away. So then the words that come out of my mouth don’t work well, it just seems so awkward. Help me with some tips and pick-up lines please.
Lost White Guy in Kansas
Lost White Guy, you’ve come to the right place. Teddy helps with this stuff all the time. With a shy guy, the best thing for you to do to flirt successfully is to get a “wing person.” This is someone you take out with you to start conversations with ladies who peak your interest, which helps you by allowing you to ease into an existing conversation and keep it going. A wing person is an awesome way to avoid being the focal point of the flirting. Teddy suggests using someone of the opposite sex because this will make the best wing person. For example, if you take a female friend, she could approach a lady and mention to her that you had noticed her lipstick and pointed it out to her. She could go on to explain that she had to come over to compliment her because it’s beautiful and to find out where she got it. At that point, you will feel more at ease about joining the conversation. Not only has she already broken the ice, but she can stay there to converse with you in the presence of the woman you are interested in getting to know.
Please, please, please don’t use the liquid courage method. It’s well known not to lead to the type of first encounters that go well.
Another great way to get past all the awkwardness and shyness that you feel is to use Teddy’s preferred method! Try using your eyes and body language to show a lady that you’re interested. Eye contact is the key. Make sure you are able to gaze at her—the first time for about twenty seconds. Look just long enough so as not to make it strange, but long enough for her to pick up on the fact that she has your attention. Then take some shorter, more subtle glances at her so that she will catch you a few times. Once she catches you looking at her and she smiles, that’s your queue to seal the deal. Head over to her, set down your business card and touch her shoulder gently. Tell her you’re sorry for disrupting her great time, but that you had to, at the very least, come over and give her your card. Then tell her to have a good night and walk away. What this does is put the ball in her court to contact you and it leaves you with no chance of rejection which is normally where the fear is.
Mr. Teddy Love,
I’ve always struggled with first dates, just can’t seem to get them right. These are my questions. How do you keep first date conversation flowing? Where should I go for a first date? What should I wear on a first date? Do you kiss on the first date? How deep should first date talk be? Teddy, please help this lady out!
Unlucky in Lawrence
First dates are funny things. To fully explore the answers to these questions, you first have to know your purpose for dating. Once you’ve done that, then the answers to these questions become a lot easier to identify. But even without knowing your particular purpose for dating, we can still tackle your list of questions from the top with some general recommendations.
First, the flow of your conversation should be somewhat natural. Pick out your list of seven things you must know about the person before you leave the date. Here are some suggested topics: job, dreams, goals, religion, politics, something fun, and lastly a quick overview of dating history. Religion and politics are not usually things people love to discuss, but if you’re looking for a long term relationship you should get the big stuff out of the way first. Dating history is often a very sensitive subject as well, so be brief, stick to the facts and keep the horror stories to yourself for now. Conversation should be deep enough to give you a pretty good picture of who it is you’re spending time with, but light enough so that you have fun in the process.
Teddy Love’s recommendations for first dates include places where you can talk one-on-one in a relatively quiet setting like the zoo, or an art museum. It’s great to go to one of those places first, then go eat someplace where you two can relax more and have some fun. The movies, club, or places where a lot of noise can limit talking are very bad spots.
As far as what to wear, just be yourself. Wear the things you normally would wear when going to the place you’re having your date. You shouldn’t wear something that you’re not comfortable about yourself in. If you’re fidgeting with your clothes, you may seem nervous.
No touching (or kissing) on the first date! Touching the other person clouds the mind of its true judgement and may lead you to make choices you’ll later regret.
Kansas City, this has been fun! Until next week, this is Dr. Teddy Love “engaging and enhancing couples.” If you’d like to submit questions to Teddy for this segment, email them to firstname.lastname@example.org.