Ladies, there may not be a clear RIGHT way to dissolve a friendship with a girlfriend. But, there are some VERY WRONG ways to do it. When it comes to a break up, whether platonic or intimate, it usually boils down to a matter of perception (what you think happened vs. what they think happened). Sometimes we need to shift our mindset to allow the normal cycles and rhythms of life to flow. First, let’s dispel this fallacy of “the bestie”. She may be “best” at some things, but no one-person supplies the full need of any relationship. We all compromise in our relationships. It’s about who possesses the most qualities on our list of “relationship non-negotiables”. If you don’t have a list, I suggest you make one. We should all know what things we will unequivocally NOT going to tolerate, and those in which we are willing to compromise.
We subscribe to these labels (like bestie) and become so entangled in what we have been told they should mean for us, but never take time to figure for ourselves what we actually want, (wait for it…) and let our friend in on our desires. Yes, that part, though very simple is VERY important. Many of us haven’t told those we love and care about what our “love-language” is. They have absolutely no idea how to best communicate their care and concern, because we have failed to tell them.
I realize that there are people in our lives who provide many of our non-negotiables when it comes to our friendships/relationships. Thus, they become the friend(s) with whom we spend most of our time and energy. However, I choose not to give ALL that power to one friend, or a selected few. I have learned to remain open. The universe can deliver messages, love and healing through a complete stranger, or from someone you least expect. But if you are locked in and rigidly committed to one way of viewing friendship, you may miss some blessings. Know this, if your friend is human, they will eventually fail at one point or the other at their position of “bestie”. It’s an inalienable truth, and by default, a part of being human. One of the most important lessons that I’ve learned from the multiple break-up’s with my sister-friends is that I have to become all the things I want for myself, to myself, first!
Now, if you have expressed to your friend what you need, explained your non-negotiables, informed them of the language-of-love that you are receptive to, asked them the same, you have done well. But, there are those times (and I know many of you can relate), that after having done this, things have still gone awry. The catty, mean-spirited, back-and-forth, he-say-she-say malarkey still ensues and now, you are in attack mode. Trust me, I know. Having been told by one friend, that our mutual friend was NOT my friend, but hers; well that just took the cake for me, lovelies. It’s a WRAP, thanks for coming, God bless and good friggin’ riddance. You can’t argue with ignorant. All you can do is release.
Oftentimes, we begin growing and maturing at a different pace than our long-time friends. Many relationships are tested, some pass, some fail. Sometimes our “reason or season” is over. Someone said “don’t be sad that is over, be glad that it happened”. Experience is a great teacher, but sometimes, it pays to take someone’s word. Here is my word of advice to you: A break-up often comes with a breakthrough. Allow the process. Mourn your loss, assess the situation, decide on what you could have done better (trust me, there is always something), commit on moving forward with integrity, humility and love, accept the situation and move on!