The most difficult battle in relationships is the ability to communicate while in a heated discussion. There are proper and improper ways to argue fight, and disagree without losing your temper and dignity!
If you are not able to communicate in a healthy way in an everyday discussion, then arguing will have long term negative effects.
After a couple has fought with a devastating outcome; blood pressure elevates, red and white blood cells are negatively affected and cortisol is produced in excess amounts. Within the next few hours, after the argument has subsided, the male internal body chemistry (blood count) will return back to “normal” while the female’s blood is severely compromised; not resuming normalcy for days, and for some weeks, thus creating a drop in her immune system.
A woman’s body is severely affected for a long period of time after an argument, even if things have been resolved.
Men will let things go or leave it on the back burner, and pull away from his wife, or significant other for a season, or attempt to pull her close without working out a solution.
These actions may upset, and confuse the woman more. She may either pull away, or move close to try and reconnect; either way without a solution, and/or a loving apology from him to her, or from her to him, the negative feelings may linger into the next argument.
The most effective ways to have a disagreement that ends with a solution is “non-defensive” listening.
There is a specific type of communication called “intentional listening”. It is not hearing the sound of someone’s voice; rather it’s an intent focus on what is being said, not only with words, but the implication behind what is being spoken.
Withholding the urge to defend oneself is a sign of intelligent maturity. When the angry individual is letting off steam, many times things are said that are simply releasing pent up frustration.
Allowing each other to have the space to vent will gain an open line of deeper communication.
It is imperative to give feed back to ensure the correct understanding on what is being said; for example if you go to a drive through to order a cheese burger with extra cheese, biggie fries, a chicken burger no mayo, one coke and one sprite; the person taking the order will repeat what she/he understands what you ordered. Sometimes they hear it incorrectly, and you have to repeat what you want so they “get it”. This is called “feedback“.
Feedback is a very important way to effectively communication between two people in any relationship. Everything that is being said may not be understood the way the person who is saying it wants it to be perceived.
Be aware that the one doing the talking is the one who gets to continually explaining until the listener understand what they want to say; only the one who is talking can say yes when the listener gets what is being communicated, exactly like the drive through experience.
In any relationship miscommunication will occur, this is part of life. It is how to handle arguments, and disagreements in a loving respectful way that will sustain the relationship.
Love and respect is the secret to a long lasting, and loving relationship!