You’ve read the perfect online dating profile and mustered up the confidence to send the first message. Or you’ve been on a fantastic first date that ended with great feelings of potential. Or you’ve been on a handful of dates with one amazing person with the hopes of taking the friendship to the next level. But you’re e-mail never gets a reply, you don’t get a call invitation for date number two and the friendly texts from your new interest has stopped abruptly. Congratulations, you’ve been rejected.
Rejection in dating is commonly seen as the ultimate diss. No one wants to be rejected. Rejection is the main reason why being in the dating scene can often be undesirable. Rejection in life is inevitable and the same goes for dating. If you’re dating then it’s beneficial to be prepared for rejection at any and all times. Below are a few suggestions to help you through rejection in dating when it happens to you.
Don’t take rejection personally
When we’ve been rejected we immediately ask ourselves, “What did I do or say?” or “What could I have done or said better?” The answer is nothing. Whether you are too loud, too quite, too casual or too conservative you were being you. Rejection is not an attack but a fact about compatibility. If your date didn’t get your ambiguous political joke and possibly got offended then don’t beat up on yourself about it. It’s common to see rejection as a judgment of your dating behavior but the judgment of people who don’t want to be involved with you is irrelevant. It probably wasn’t the joke but you’re total personality. The two of you just aren’t compatible. That’s ok. You don’t want to censor yourself for someone who doesn’t get your jokes. You want to feel comfortable with another person who laughs so hard they might leak. Don’t take it personal if you’re too much for someone to handle.
Face rejection head on
Rejection can be scary when you’re first starting out with a new experience. Don’t fear rejection. I’ve heard people say things like “I’m not good with rejection” or “I don’t deal well with rejection.” Phrases like those are stupid. You’re letting everyone know how much of a scary cat you are. Rejection is going to come to you in all aspects of your life so it’s best to be prepared when it happens. There is no way of avoiding it or thinking you can out smart it. When it happens to you determine why you weren’t chosen. Being honest about a rejection can help you determine the method you’re taking in dating. Use rejection to help you with your next experience so that you can move on quickly. Not accepting rejection is pathetic and desperate and no one wants to date someone like that. The worst thing you can do for your self esteem is to wallow in the feeling of being rejected. Morn for a few days, talk about it with your team and then get back out there. If you feel like your rejections just keep rolling in one after another face the “man in the mirror” and figure out what’s getting you rejected. It could be something about you or it could be something about the people who are rejecting you. There will be a common denominator in having the same result over and over.
Construct a support team
If you’ve been rejected you may feel like crying, or screaming, or drinking or sleeping. Whichever way you need to confront your feelings about being rejected, do it with a person or people that support you. Call your mom and vent, call your best friend for drinks and male bashing or take a shopping trip with someone who will let you talk it out. Getting your emotions out can help you to move on from a rejection. A person on your team can reassure you how fabulous you are and that it’s the other guys loss. What you don’t want to do is broadcast your feelings about every single rejection on social media. No one is interested in your rants about how worthless or impotent your date was. You were totally smitten about the person for at least a minute, so there is no sense in ranting through Facebook, twitter or you’re blog.
There will come a time when you have to give the ultimate diss of rejection. Giving a rejection can be just as difficult as taking one. Rejection isn’t a feeling people want to experience but often is something people need. It’s better to reject someone with no potential than to waste your time on someone you are incompatible with. It’s the approach that either makes it or breaks it. Since some people are scary cats and choose “not to deal” with rejection, being ambiguous when giving a rejection can be more harm than good. Giving hints about how you’re not into someone is no good because if a person is choosing to reject rejection then they won’t get the hint. They will continue to pursue hoping to change your mind. Don’t give a phony rejection like, “I’ll call you” or “I’ll see you later” when you have no intentions of ever being in the presence of this person again. A straight to the point and honest let down is the best kind. I associate it with the band-aid theory; just rip it off! Say something along the line of, “I’ve had a great time getting to know you but this really isn’t a match for me.” Giving rejection and taking rejection is a very mature act. It shows how serious you are about the decisions you are making for yourself and the decisions others are making for their benefit. Not everyone is for everybody. There is plenty more dates where the last came from and being experienced will get you closer to an acceptance that is right for you.
Dating is about opportunities to experience new people. Weeding out the people you feel won’t work and trying to make it with the people you think will. When you have been rejected or you have to do the rejecting it is positive to reaching your ultimate happy goals.
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