Every relationship comes with emotional baggage. Let’s face it: we all have a past, and that past influences our present and future. In relationships, emotional baggage can be like a crack in the foundation of a house. Not only does it cause instability, but it allows many other unpleasant things to creep in.
In part 1, we talked about abandonment. Another common emotional baggage comes in the form of quarreling. Many people grew up in homes where their parents fought all the time. Sometimes they would shout and scream at each other, sometimes it would lead to violence, and sometimes it would lead to one or both parents storming out of the house.
Quarreling in relationships happens. When two different people are put together to live and love in holy matrimony, they have to learn to adapt to one another, which naturally produces quarreling. When quarreling is near constant, there is a problem. But there are a few things we can do to reduce quarreling.
Refuse to quarrel. That sounds so easy, but it requires great strength of character. Our significant other may say some pretty hurtful things to us, but if we refuse to raise our voices and refuse to get upset, the potential quarrel can be stopped before it ever gets started.
Refuse to make it personal. It is so easy to make an argument personal, but remember that the argument is about a problem, not a person. If you focus your time and energy on the problem, the problem can be solved much more quickly. On a side note, if you think they are attacking your character, talk calmly and rationally about it when the situation is not heated. The middle of an argument is not a good time to discuss such things.
Refuse to walk away. Too many couples walk away from a problem without getting it resolved. Ephesians 4:26-27 tells us, “do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity.” When we walk away from an argument without resolving it; when we go to sleep with anger still in our hearts, it gives the devil an open door to cause bitterness and resentment to enter the relationship. As bitterness and resentment enter a relationship, emotional distance grows, leading to divorce.
If both people in the relationship seek peace, it can be found. Keep loving, laughing, and learning. God bless.