You have probably heard the saying that “marriage is a 50/50 proposition.” Each partner has to ‘meet’ the other half way. But, what if one partner doesn’t ‘meet’ the other one? Then what? Does the other partner wait until the other one meets him/her? No! Each party has to give of him/herself 100%! Christ gave His all to us, and as husbands and wives we are to give our all to our mates and follow Christ’s footsteps and let Him live His life in us!
Our relationship with each other as husband and wife is more important than any other relationship we have besides our relationship with God. Arguments and debates will happen because two people with two different personalities and life experiences are living together and becoming one in spirit and body. What God cares about is how we resolve our conflicts, do we yell at each other? Do we accuse each other? Do we impute motives, judge, and get in bad attitudes?
It takes thought and effort to maintain a happy marriage. After the honeymoon and all of the excitement and emotions are now steady, then in order to maintain that joy and desire for one another it takes work on each other’s part and if the couple really loves each other and wants to please their partner, it is pretty effortless!
Sexual love and affection must be kept alive for a marriage to grow and blossom!
How do we love one another besides showing respect and kindness? The book of “The Songs of Solomon” is very eloquent in showing the kind of love and affection God wants us to have for one another as husband and wife. This is a good book to read often to keep that sexual love alive!
- Song of Solomon 1:2: “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—For your love is better than wine.”
- Proverbs 5:18-19: “Let your fountain be blessed, And rejoice with the wife of your youth. As a loving deer and a graceful doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; And always be enraptured with her love.”
It is God’s desire that we experience the kind of love that He intended humans to have. He created us with those passions and desires. Our God is a loving God. Everything He created, He did so for us!
Everyone needs love and affection! Make certain our spouse is getting all we have to give! We should go out of our way to show how much we love each other and never let the sun go down on our wrath, never go to bed angry at one another. Make certain that we make up and hug and kiss before we go to sleep.
Another important thing to do before we lie down to sleep is to get on our knees together and pray to God our Father, asking forgiveness if we have had an argument and or if we are in a bad attitude. Ask God to give us the love we should have for our mate and thank Him for each other and ask for a good night’s sleep. No one knows if they will wake in the morning!
Never take each other for granted, appreciate the little things. Always be grateful, as Paul says in I Thessalonians 5:18: “In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” A thankful person always seems to look on the positive side and doesn’t dwell on the negative.
Marriage is like a garden
As mentioned in the previous article on Fifty years of enduring love, marriage is like a beautiful garden. Each morning I check my rose bushes to see if there are any bugs or diseases eating away at them. If there are I have to do something to rid them of the bugs and or disease. Just like a marriage, a flower garden takes daily care! And just like checking on my roses, I have to check myself often to make sure that I am not allowing any bugs of resentment, criticism, nagging, accusations, judging or controlling to enter my marriage!
Staying close to God is the most important guarantee of a happy marriage!
When we make a conscious effort to make our mates comfortable and happy, we are happy! And when we show our spouse affection by holding hands in front of our children and hugging and kissing, they see how a marriage should be. Our children would ask us, “How do we know that we will have as happy a marriage as you and dad?” The only guarantee that anyone will have a happy marriage is if both partners work hard at it and include God and His laws regulating marriage!
Wives, do you try to change your husband?
Many women think they can change their mates once they marry, but the only person we can change is ourselves and only if we want to change! No one can be forced to change. When you marry someone, you adapt and devote yourself to that person. If a wife knows what her husband likes she should strive to please him in what he likes and vice versa. It is important to adapt ourselves to one another, and especially for us the wife to adapt to our husband. This will help to make a happy marriage!
The head of every man is Christ and the head of the woman is her husband.
- 1Corinthians 11:3: “But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.”
Woman was created for the man – her husband!
- I Corinthians 11:9: “Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.”
- I Peter 3:1-2: “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.”
Most women do not want to hear this! But, this is God’s Word. Either we believe His Word totally or make excuses for why we don’t! (But, that doesn’t mean women have to put up with abuse!)
Paul also gives instructions to husbands.
- Ephesians 5:24-25: “Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,…”
- Ephesians 5:28-33: “So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
Both spouses must show one another that they are the most important person in their lives, respecting each other in every instance. This is not always easy, but if we as wives think of ourselves as the bride of Christ and our husbands as Christ, how would we respond or react to Him? And the husband should respect and respond to his wife in each instance the way He knows Christ would treat the church!
- Ephesians 5:32: “This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”
Our relationship as husband and wife is a picture of Christ and the church and if that is continually in our thoughts and actions then our marriage can’t help but become a joyous blessing and a beautiful garden for all to see and especially to God!
See “How to Have a Happy Marriage”
For those in the Lexington and London, KY area and would like to know and understand more about how to have a happy marriage go here. For those in the Louisville area, go here. For those in the Henderson area go here.