Does knowing how to be a great lover spoil you from being with men who are not?
This is a question that I have recently been pondering. I have to say that for the majority of my single life, I have been lovers with men who for the most part have been fairly adept in the arts of love. Those who have not been trained in Tantric lovemaking I have coached and with their willingness I was able to impart to them the things that will not only make them a great lover for me but for any woman. The others, well let’s just say, that they were no longer on my top 10 list of great men to be with.
I have always been a woman that prefers a ‘slow hand’ in a man, and who for one reason or another I always seem to find myself initiating men into tantric lovemaking even before I studied Tantra. I also happen to be a woman who has been spoiled by a few great lovers and by my own sexual skill. It all happened for me when I met a man who not only liberated me sexually but also gave me full permission to ask for anything I wanted any time day or night. Boy was I spoiled after that. That relationship which lasted for two years set the standard for me with regard to any men that I might wish to be lovers with in the future.
Knowing what turns you on and how you like to be touched can be both a blessing and a curse. If you are not in a relationship and you are actively sexual with at least one other person, then being a better lover than your partner could either make you dissatisfied or move you to make a change. Men often say that they prefer a woman who knows what she wants, but it has been my experience that unless I know how to communicate that information in a very loving and non-threatening way, they will have a hard time receiving it. Some men, especially the ones that think they are great lovers, are the hardest to talk too as they feel that they know how to do everything and are closed down to any new information. It takes great skill and finesse to share with your paramour your knowledge in the art of love.
As a teacher of Tantra I have had an even more difficult time. I have often come across too much like a teacher and had to learn another way of sharing my knowledge. The best way to share what you know about what you like or any of the sacred sensual arts is to demonstrate it. If you touch your partner the way you wish to be touched and then praise them and say, “I love to be touched in exactly the same way. “ Or you can also have a special time to share what you both like and don’t like sexually, and then show each other what you do like. Both of these ideas work really well as they do not bruise anyone’s ego.
The first thing I learned when I attended my first tantric workshop was “to leave your ego at the door”. There is no room for ego where sex is concerned. Because you are at your most vulnerable when you are being sexually intimate with someone, our egos cannot be at play. What does need to be happening is communicating with love, compassion and appreciation.
A few suggestions on how to give feedback and ask for what you want comes from More University, a school that offers many classes in communication and sexual expertise. They teach to first praise whatever your lover is doing, then ask for what you want. For instance, “ I really like the way you are touching my leg, and what would even feel better to me is _____.” This way your partner feels praised for what he is doing and open to doing it even better.
Being a woman who is a great lover can be a wonderful thing but it can also mean that you won’t settle for less than what you know you deserve. I happen to be the kind of woman that has always put sex as one of my top things when it comes to compatibility. So if you are like me, then being a great lover will also demand that the men you date or choose to partner with will also have that skill. Or you may both decide to study tantra together. Either way you will be getting a man who meets you where you wish to be met. Being single and a master of the erotic arts doesn’t make it impossible. It only means you may have to wait awhile until you find the right man for you.